


blessed with a curse

by schnaf



Series: im-prompt-u challenge [7]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: (answer: not enough.), Established Relationship, M/M, challenge: how many bmth songs can i use during october?, depression i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:15:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26861260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schnaf/pseuds/schnaf
Summary: everything i touch turns to stone. so wrap your arms around me and leave me on my own.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: im-prompt-u challenge [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1969618
Comments: 4
Kudos: 18
Collections: Im-PROMPT-u Phandom Creator Challenge 2020





	blessed with a curse

**Author's Note:**

> this song was heavily inspired by bring me the horizon's "blessed with a curse". it's one of my favourite songs and ugh, the line "everything i touch turns to stone. so wrap your arms around me and leave me on my own." just hits really, really hard. --- this is day 6 of the im-prompt-u challenge, today's prompt was "curse".

The world is a dark place.

No. No, the world is a shithole and unbearable and Dan feels like he's about to suffocate and it's been going on for hours now. Just lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling, being devoured by the emptiness inside him.

Senseless. It just doesn't make sense. Nothing makes sense anymore. Why does he even bother? Why should he even stick around? The world keeps on _turning_ and _turning_ and things change and he's trying to improve, he's trying to get better but it doesn't get better - it never gets better. New morning, same shitshow. It doesn't matter how hard he tries, it doesn't matter how much he struggles - in the end, the emptiness is back again, taking over, draining him of every single emotion.

It's hopeless.

There are footsteps outside his room and immediately, Dan tries to cling onto the sound. He's not alone, there's someone else around, close to him, in his apartment - in _their_ apartment. Someone who wants to be with him, someone who cares about him, someone who genuinely loves him.

And yet, it only makes things worse. Sure, it's kind of relieving to know he could just reach out, he could just call Phil's name - Phil would hurry over immediately and he wouldn't feel so alone anymore.

But that would mean dragging Phil into his mess. Phil deserves a happy boyfriend, Phil deserves someone who makes him happy - but what does he get instead? A boyfriend in a shitty mood, taking Phil down with him. No, he can't reach out, he can't call Phil - for Phil's sake. He needs to get through it on his own.

That's why his heart drops when the door opens and Phil walks in. Quickly, he turns around, facing the wall, holding on to his blanket.

Still, he can feel the mattress sagging down a bit just a moment later. Phil’s sat down next to him.

Oh no. He really really _really_ didn't want to bother Phil. He really didn't want to drag him down. But it's what's about to happen, it's bound to happen when Phil is around him. (It isn't enough that he's ruining his own life. No, he has to inflict harm upon the person he loves the most on top of that.)

_everything I touch turns to stone_

Dan turns around again, planning to tell Phil to leave. But as soon as his gaze falls upon Phil's face, he - just can't do it anymore. Phil looks so worried already and even though it would be for his own good, Dan knows he would hurt him even more by chasing him away.

_(turns to stone)_

"It's that time again, huh?" Phil murmurs, reaching out to push a streak of hair out of his face. The touch is bittersweet, it's - Dan closes his eyes for a moment, enjoying the feeling of Phil's fingers on his skin, the soft, gentle touches.

There's no need to answer his question, no need to say anything. Phil already knows what's up. And then -

_so wrap your arms around me_

Dan opens his eyes again when he feels Phil's arms around him. Phil lay down next to him, putting his arms around him, pulling him into an embrace. He can feel Phil's breath against his temple, he can hear his heartbeat. Apart from that, it's completely quiet.

_and leave me on my own_

He inhales deeply - it almost hurts because Phil is hugging him so closely. But it's a good kind of sting, somehow. It feels real and that's actually reassuring at a time where everything feels surreal, made up, redundant.

Completely quiet. It stays completely quiet. Phil's just lying next to him, hugging him. He doesn't try to speak to him, he doesn't try to comfort him, to talk him out of his crisis. He's just there.

It doesn't expel the emptiness. But finally, Dan can relax a bit.


End file.
